Wooooo. This is my 8th day on the job. So far so-so, but definitely not what I expected. Which you would think I knew what I was going to be doing since I interned here for 4 weeks. But stuffing envelopes made what I'm now doing look exciting.
We get this idea in our head that we are going to go out and be successful immediately because we have spent all this time studying, preparing for the workplace... well that is not the case. Just like everything in life, you must work your way up. What an optimist I was to think I was going to start this job that I just loved. I thought I would see this set career path and work towards it. Work ethic is something I value and I do work hard, but I thought it would feel more fulfilling... Sitting at a computer typing stuff into spreadsheets and looking at which insurance plans doctors accept may sound fulfilling to you.... but it certainly isn't to me.
I'm getting scared that I will get used to the paycheck, and may get complacent with this type of job. This is not something I want to get comfortable doing because I was meant to accomplish much bigger things. Not that what I'm doing is insignificant.... it's just not for me. I want something fun and exciting-- I want to interact with people. Not sit in a cubicle for 8-9 hours wishing it was 5 p.m. on a Friday. Never in my life would I have believed you if you told me I would be counting the hours until I was off of work.
But, I guess that's what happens when you take the easy way out. I settled because I knew I would be comfortable and wouldn't have to go through interviews. Plus it would give me time to figure out what I really want to do. That's the problem with jumping into college and with college curriculum, it doesn't help you figure out where you want to work or what you want to be doing. It just shows you some of the things you could do and puts credentials behind your name to help you get that mundane, not fulfilling job.
It may not sound like it...but I love the company I work for. It is just so not my personality... I want to solve problems, interact with people, help people. This is just looking at plans and inputting information into a computer right now. But the reason I love this company is because they empower you and allow you to determine the best career path for you. There are lots of opportunity for growth and change.
I don't know... I just want to do something that is making a difference in society. You know what I mean?
I believe in myself and know that I could make my dreams come true... I just don't know where to start.
I really want to have a talk show with my friend Nicole. We could revolutionize TV. It would be epic. You think I write good blogs (or maybe you don't?), wait til you see what I'll be like as a talk show host (hopefully better by voice than words if you don't like these posts). There are so many things we should be focusing on as a society but they come third, forth, or honorable mention to all of these things that don't matter. 24 hour news was a ridiculous idea.. it takes away the importance of things that need emphasis.
See my mind is all over the place because it's being suppressed. I don't even know what to do with myself. I want to cook, clean, write, read, watch TV, craft, relax and listen to music. Just too many things that won't fit in between 5:30 and 11 p.m.
For those of you that have worked 8-5 for 40 years in jobs that you don't truly enjoy, I don't know how you do it. I'm not moving on (just yet), but I know I cannot do this for more than 2 years. I have to be able to work various hours and be with people. That's the main thing... I miss people. I'm starting to get lonely. Last year, I interacted with people each and every day, almost all day! Now I say a few things at work about work, and come home to any empty apartment.
Which is probably why I am writing to you...cyber world.
I have to find something productive to do... so until next time.
An unsatisfied/adjusting college student,
Restless Lyss
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